Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Thankful {Sixteen}

The power of prayer.

I struggled, and I mean struggled hard, with breastfeeding the first week and a half of Sam's life. While pregnant I had told myself that I would give nursing an honest try, and if it didn't work...it just didn't work.

Oddly enough, my milk came in one day, and left the next. I kid you not. The incessant pumping, nursing when I wasn't pumping, drinking plenty of fluids, talking with lactation consultants often...nothing worked.

We had to supplement with formula half the time, and luckily Sam had no problem taking a bottle, and I could rest easy knowing how much he was eating. And surprise, he was sleeping better after bottles.

I was surprised at how determined I became once Samson arrived. There was nothing I wanted more than to nurse him. I had convinced myself while pregnant that I wouldn't be a bad mother if I couldn't nurse, but I hadn't considered how I'd feel as a woman. I felt like such a failure. My body was supposed to do this. Why wasn't it working?

I don't remember the last time I prayed that hard and that often. I was, as it's said in church, "fervently praying". I needed comfort so badly, and although I was praying mostly for breastfeeding to work, I prayed and prayed to feel at ease with whatever path we chose.

When Tadd and I finally decided to solely bottle feed, the rush of calm that came over me was exactly what I needed. Heavenly Father had answered me, and instantly lifted a gloomy weight from my shoulders. The tears literally stopped that day, and I have felt so good and confident ever since.

Since that day, I have not regretted choosing to bottle feed. That's not to say that I don't still feel a twinge of jealousy when I hear of or see women breastfeeding, but this is what works for US. And Heavenly Father knew that. I just needed to trust in him that he knew the right method of feeding my munchkin. My prayers did help me better trust him, and I am so grateful for that. So very grateful.


Kalli Ko said...

breastfeeding has been my hugest battle as a mother, I relate in a big way, just ask Whitney, we've had some talks about it

you gotta do what works so absolutely you made the right decision

Josh and Danielle said...

i am so thankful that you posted this Cat! seriously! i went through the exact same thing and we decided to bottle feed him and it worked best for us as well i mean i saw family members go thorugh the heart ache of their children not getting enough to eat from the breast and they would not give them a bottle because it was bad or something.

it is good to know more people go through the same trials as we all go through!

you are an amazing mother especially because you realized what your baby needed and were big enough to give him the bottle and not stubborn enough or selfish enough to resist!

kuddos to you my dear!


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