The power of prayer.
I struggled, and I mean struggled hard, with breastfeeding the first week and a half of Sam's life. While pregnant I had told myself that I would give nursing an honest try, and if it didn't work...it just didn't work.
Oddly enough, my milk came in one day, and left the next. I kid you not. The incessant pumping, nursing when I wasn't pumping, drinking plenty of fluids, talking with lactation consultants often...nothing worked.
We had to supplement with formula half the time, and luckily Sam had no problem taking a bottle, and I could rest easy knowing how much he was eating. And surprise, he was sleeping better after bottles.
I was surprised at how determined I became once Samson arrived. There was nothing I wanted more than to nurse him. I had convinced myself while pregnant that I wouldn't be a bad mother if I couldn't nurse, but I hadn't considered how I'd feel as a woman. I felt like such a failure. My body was supposed to do this. Why wasn't it working?
I don't remember the last time I prayed that hard and that often. I was, as it's said in church, "fervently praying". I needed comfort so badly, and although I was praying mostly for breastfeeding to work, I prayed and prayed to feel at ease with whatever path we chose.
When Tadd and I finally decided to solely bottle feed, the rush of calm that came over me was exactly what I needed. Heavenly Father had answered me, and instantly lifted a gloomy weight from my shoulders. The tears literally stopped that day, and I have felt so good and confident ever since.
Since that day, I have not regretted choosing to bottle feed. That's not to say that I don't still feel a twinge of jealousy when I hear of or see women breastfeeding, but this is what works for US. And Heavenly Father knew that. I just needed to trust in him that he knew the right method of feeding my munchkin. My prayers did help me better trust him, and I am so grateful for that. So very grateful.