I take motherhood for granted, and I act childish about being a mother.
It's been tough for me to let myself fully assume the role of "mother", and not feel silly when I talk about motherhood, or child rearing, or calling myself "mama". I've asked myself "why?" so many times, and still haven't completely pinpointed the reason.
Do I have a hard time accepting that I am an adult, not a teen anymore, and this is what life brings as we age? Am I trying so hard not to become the typical Mormon mommy that I'm not allowing myself to exhibit motherhood at all? Maybe I don't feel that I can dub myself a "mother" after just one child, 10 months in? Like I'm some sort of poser?
But, today I realized that I need to freaking grow up. Stop thinking those silly thoughts and just dive right into motherhood. I already enjoy it, but I feel like I am holding back. The fact of the matter is, is that I AM a mother. A mother to a beautiful baby boy who depends on me and loves me. I need to cut the crap more often, and be real. I love my baby and love the role I've assumed to care for him, so why should I feel strange or uncomfortable talking about it?
I have been incredibly blessed with this new chapter of my life, and it's shameful that I take it for granted. It was not hard for us to get pregnant. Although not the most ideal nine months of my life, I had a fairly average pregnancy. How immature of me to not take a step back and realize, not just enjoy, the incredible gift I have been given of experiencing motherhood.
I am going to earnestly try from this day forward to take full advantage of motherhood, not shy away from it or give into fear of mothering, and bask in the little gems of our new life.